Jenwipnak is a god.

She takes the form of a five hundred metre long, stupid otter.

Jenwipnak created the world nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jenwipnak, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Jenwipnak, she will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Jenwipnak's most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Jenwipnak's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat gooseberries.

2. Never mark doors with pink.

3. Do not record numbers concerning black holes.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never wear cyan skirts.