Gepnarkik is a god.

She takes the form of a blubbery, all-knowing finch.

Gepnarkik created a quark four years ago.

If you believe in Gepnarkik, she will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Gepnarkik, she will be very sad.

Gepnarkik's most sacred site is Penhale in England.

Gepnarkik's Holy Commandments

1. Never carve symbols of black holes into wood.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Never feed bananas to swans while wearing corsets.

5. Hide if eight shrews approach from the south.