Bepmisyik is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, unselfish seal.

Bepmisyik created the cosmos eight million years ago.

If you believe in Bepmisyik, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Bepmisyik, she will turn you into a puffin.

Bepmisyik's most sacred site is Krina in Germany.

Bepmisyik's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if eight goats approach from the south.

2. Never wear black hats on sacred days.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Do not drink water in blue rooms.