Ingfatnill Hapsandhak is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, vain dove.

Ingfatnill Hapsandhak created carbon seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Ingfatnill Hapsandhak, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Ingfatnill Hapsandhak, he will attempt to scare you with floods.

Ingfatnill Hapsandhak's most sacred site is Gassin in France.

Ingfatnill Hapsandhak's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about stars.

2. Do not shave your feet.

3. Run away from violet ants, for they are unholy.

4. Never talk about the strong nuclear force near seals while wearing brown dresses and balancing five gold spheres on your chest.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.