Futpidmip is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, self-assured shrew.

Futpidmip created the planet Jupiter nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Futpidmip, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Futpidmip, she will turn you into a frog.

Futpidmip's most sacred site is Issigeac in France.

Futpidmip's Holy Commandments

1. Do not take Futpidmip's name in vain.

2. Do not prepare peas while filled with fear.

3. Never allow geese to witness sacred rites.

4. Never talk about spacetime near squirrels while wearing gray corsets and balancing four copper spheres on your arms.

5. Never touch water while blessed.