Dusslenbaf is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, astonishing grasshopper.

Dusslenbaf created everything that exists nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Dusslenbaf, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Dusslenbaf, she will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Dusslenbaf's most sacred site is Katteri in India.

Dusslenbaf's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about dark matter.

2. Do not speak sacred words in autumn.

3. You must love Dusslenbaf.

4. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Dusslenbaf.

5. Never leap in the presence of elders.