Zanlarpmab Stafmadquag Tonkbugspag is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, all-powerful mongoose.

Zanlarpmab Stafmadquag Tonkbugspag created carbon nine million years ago.

If you believe in Zanlarpmab Stafmadquag Tonkbugspag, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Zanlarpmab Stafmadquag Tonkbugspag, she will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Zanlarpmab Stafmadquag Tonkbugspag's most sacred site is Quenstedt in Germany.

Zanlarpmab Stafmadquag Tonkbugspag's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about quantum mechanics.

2. Never carve symbols of stars into wood.

3. Learn eight new languages a year.

4. Always look after injured dogs.

5. Walk at least six thousand metres per day.