Metkancem is a god.

It takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, smart chicken.

Metkancem created Europe eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Metkancem, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Metkancem, it will send you a strongly worded letter.

Metkancem's most sacred site is Thethampakkam in India.

Metkancem's Holy Commandments

1. Never adorn your face with black markings.

2. Do not sing at rivers.

3. Do not contemplate the strong nuclear force during the night.

4. You must never eat tomatoes.

5. Always obey Metkancem's priests.