Neljatloopomtvog is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, resourceful armadillo.

Neljatloopomtvog created dark energy six million years ago.

If you believe in Neljatloopomtvog, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Neljatloopomtvog, she will turn you into a blue tit.

Neljatloopomtvog's most sacred site is Avebury Stone Circle in England.

Neljatloopomtvog's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Never think about quantum mechanics near porpoises while wearing violet scarves and balancing six gold spheres on your chest.

3. Never bounce near shrews.

4. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

5. Do not study chlorophyll on holy days.