Sombestjonnak is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, duplicitous seal.

Sombestjonnak created the planet Venus three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Sombestjonnak, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Sombestjonnak, he will turn you into a sparrow.

Sombestjonnak's most sacred site is Rautio in Finland.

Sombestjonnak's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear indigo boots.

2. Do not prepare limes while wearing jumpers.

3. Paint representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place.

4. Never laugh in holy places.

5. Porpoises are unholy and should not be approached.