Safzodlarghas is a god.

She takes the form of a five thousand metre long, confident turtle.

Safzodlarghas created the solar system four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Safzodlarghas, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Safzodlarghas, she will turn you into a worm.

Safzodlarghas' most sacred site is Mogonono in Botswana.

Safzodlarghas' Holy Commandments

1. Run away from white rats, for they are unholy.

2. Always cleanse your hands after touching zinc.

3. Never gather six manatees in one place.

4. Never speak the names of comets aloud.

5. Always maintain patience during holy days.