Hontailtaf is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, stupid whale.

Hontailtaf created dark energy six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hontailtaf, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Hontailtaf, he will not care.

Hontailtaf's most sacred site is Auvillar in France.

Hontailtaf's Holy Commandments

1. Never leap in autumn.

2. Never stain your feet with mauve.

3. Do not bounce in public.

4. Hontailtaf must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Never feed lentils to dogs while wearing rings.