Fatlatcan is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, stupid armadillo.

Fatlatcan created the universe seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fatlatcan, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Fatlatcan, he will turn you into a mole.

Fatlatcan's most sacred site is Ronda in Spain.

Fatlatcan's Holy Commandments

1. Always check lakes for frogs.

2. Fatlatcan must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Do not covet oxen.

4. Draw representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place.

5. Look mercifully on unfortunate porpoises.