Carfumquat is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, smart snail.

Carfumquat created tapeworms six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Carfumquat, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Carfumquat, he will laugh at you.

Carfumquat's most sacred site is Oppin in Germany.

Carfumquat's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Always face the west before speaking sacred words.

3. Erect six gold sculptures of Carfumquat on top of important buildings.

4. Run away from indigo shrews, for they are unholy.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.