Gamlattam Labdinwig is a god.

It takes the form of a blubbery, pitiless jackal.

Gamlattam Labdinwig created the Cigar Galaxy seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Gamlattam Labdinwig, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Gamlattam Labdinwig, it will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Gamlattam Labdinwig's most sacred site is Dumadumana in Botswana.

Gamlattam Labdinwig's Holy Commandments

1. Gamlattam Labdinwig loves voles, so they must be honoured.

2. Monkeys are not to be trusted.

3. Always make sure there are no tortoises in a building before entering it.

4. Do not place strawberries upon stone.

5. Do not fashion tools from carbon.