Lamlarnbeg is a god.

She takes the form of a six hundred metre long, compassionate manatee.

Lamlarnbeg created the planet Venus three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lamlarnbeg, she will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Lamlarnbeg, she will denounce you as a heretic.

Lamlarnbeg's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Lamlarnbeg's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate turtles.

2. Always store parsnips above ground.

3. Do not take Lamlarnbeg's name in vain.

4. Always cleanse ash with water.

5. Feed all hungry dolphins.