Bimjengan Yartonkzed is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, witless horse.

Bimjengan Yartonkzed created a down quark nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Bimjengan Yartonkzed, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Bimjengan Yartonkzed, she will destroy your favourite star.

Bimjengan Yartonkzed's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Bimjengan Yartonkzed's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear green clothing.

2. Retreat if seven porpoises approach from the south.

3. Never paint your back yellow.

4. Always help sick voles.

5. Never speak at dawn.