Tailflamwig is a god.

He takes the form of a slim, moody otter.

Tailflamwig created bats six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tailflamwig, he will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Tailflamwig, he will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Tailflamwig's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Tailflamwig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair white.

2. You must love Tailflamwig.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Shun those given to cruelty.

5. Never feed cucumbers to shrews while wearing skirts.