Ham Xucgutmip Jabsanddut is a god.

She takes the form of a five hundred metre long, contented manatee.

Ham Xucgutmip Jabsanddut created humanity nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Ham Xucgutmip Jabsanddut, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Ham Xucgutmip Jabsanddut, she will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Ham Xucgutmip Jabsanddut's most sacred site is Aguaruto in Mexico.

Ham Xucgutmip Jabsanddut's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no hamsters in a room before entering it.

2. Do not sprint at rivers.

3. Always remove corsets before entering holy places.

4. Never go into violet rooms.

5. Do not place onions upon stone.