Barncaptunlag is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely small, fussy frog.

Barncaptunlag created Asia six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Barncaptunlag, it will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Barncaptunlag, it will turn you into a tree.

Barncaptunlag's most sacred site is Phepheng in Botswana.

Barncaptunlag's Holy Commandments

1. Never prepare gooseberries during spring.

2. Never think about optics near foxes while wearing black dresses and balancing eight lead spheres on your head.

3. Never sprint in autumn.

4. Always help nematodes in need.

5. Always check lakes for frogs.