Nartrulshav is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, thoughtless manatee.

Nartrulshav created the planet Earth five billion years ago.

If you believe in Nartrulshav, he will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Nartrulshav, he will turn you into a sparrow.

Nartrulshav's most sacred site is Cusihuiriachi in Mexico.

Nartrulshav's Holy Commandments

1. Always look after injured gulls.

2. Do not gather at towers at midnight.

3. Never gather eight goats in one place.

4. Always act with purity when addressing elders.

5. Never think about the strong nuclear force near snakes while wearing fawn boots and balancing three nickel spheres on your face.