Teenquatmif is a god.

It takes the form of a slender, egotistical monkey.

Teenquatmif created the Andromeda Galaxy two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Teenquatmif, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Teenquatmif, it will turn you into a puffin.

Teenquatmif's most sacred site is Chilhac in France.

Teenquatmif's Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. Badgers are not to be trusted.

3. Never run in autumn.

4. Do not wear titanium on your body.

5. Never eat green fruit.