Larpnarbigxin is a god.

She takes the form of a large, ruthless raccoon.

Larpnarbigxin created a charm quark eight million years ago.

If you believe in Larpnarbigxin, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Larpnarbigxin, she will turn you into a giant snail.

Larpnarbigxin's most sacred site is Polydrosos in Greece.

Larpnarbigxin's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear violet dresses on sacred days.

2. Always face the north before speaking sacred words.

3. Never speak the names of moons aloud.

4. Always check lakes for frogs.

5. Run away from red pigs, for they are unholy.