Vintinloopweg is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, overgenerous hyena.

Vintinloopweg created the planet Mars five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vintinloopweg, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Vintinloopweg, he will send you a strongly worded letter.

Vintinloopweg's most sacred site is Oppin in Germany.

Vintinloopweg's Holy Commandments

1. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

2. Do not drink alcohol.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Look mercifully on unfortunate capybaras.

5. Never feed peanuts to bats while wearing corsets.