Jabzakveen is a god.

She takes the form of a small, annoying cow.

Jabzakveen created the universe eight million years ago.

If you believe in Jabzakveen, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Jabzakveen, she will refuse to believe in you.

Jabzakveen's most sacred site is Camon in France.

Jabzakveen's Holy Commandments

1. Never mix garlic with blood.

2. Walk at least seven thousand metres per day.

3. Do not hurt nematodes.

4. Never paint your arms magenta.

5. Never tolerate cries in holy places.