Gutvigkom is a god.

It takes the form of a giant, two-faced dragon.

Gutvigkom created tapeworms nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gutvigkom, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Gutvigkom, it will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Gutvigkom's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Gutvigkom's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Gutvigkom.

2. You must never eat lentils.

3. Never mark doors with magenta.

4. Always check lakes for frogs.

5. Shun those given to vanity.