Tarpnurquaf is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly large, contented dolphin.

Tarpnurquaf created a bottom quark eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Tarpnurquaf, it will approve.

If you do not believe in Tarpnurquaf, it will attempt to scare you with floods.

Tarpnurquaf's most sacred site is Dingcun in China.

Tarpnurquaf's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Always treat snakes with great respect.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

5. Do not make images of living things.