Cudzakrutt is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, slow elephant.

Cudzakrutt created carbon eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Cudzakrutt, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Cudzakrutt, he will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Cudzakrutt's most sacred site is Mogonono in Botswana.

Cudzakrutt's Holy Commandments

1. Never prepare aubergines during summer.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Do not name children after foxes.

4. Do not wear skirts marked with red.

5. Always act with purity when addressing strangers.