Ontmotkon is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely small, narcissistic otter.

Ontmotkon created bats eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Ontmotkon, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Ontmotkon, she will turn you into a giant slug.

Ontmotkon's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Ontmotkon's Holy Commandments

1. Do not covet oxen.

2. Always make sure there are no goats in a building before entering it.

3. Do not hurt doves.

4. Do not dye your hair red.

5. Do not fashion sacred items from bone.