Artjathabgen is a god.

She takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, weak seal.

Artjathabgen created an atom seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Artjathabgen, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Artjathabgen, she will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Artjathabgen's most sacred site is Troms in Norway.

Artjathabgen's Holy Commandments

1. Never sit in the presence of doves.

2. Worship no other gods but Artjathabgen.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate birds.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of lead.

5. Do not consume peas at dawn.