Tenvonktetti is a god.

She takes the form of a minute, contented duck.

Tenvonktetti created Asia five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tenvonktetti, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Tenvonktetti, she will turn you into a hamster.

Tenvonktetti's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Tenvonktetti's Holy Commandments

1. Do not count beyond five during ceremonies.

2. Never fashion tools from ash.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Tenvonktetti.

4. Never mix gooseberries with water.

5. Tenvonktetti must be the most important thing in your life.