Quatnartlad is a god.

It takes the form of a very long, deceitful mole.

Quatnartlad created Africa four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Quatnartlad, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Quatnartlad, it will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Quatnartlad's most sacred site is Snipp in Sweden.

Quatnartlad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not contemplate solid mechanics during the night.

2. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Quatnartlad.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Never jump in the presence of goats.

5. Learn three new languages a year.