Yartwabbut is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, unfair salamander.

Yartwabbut created a top quark five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Yartwabbut, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Yartwabbut, he will turn you into a sparrow.

Yartwabbut's most sacred site is Panormos in Greece.

Yartwabbut's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant gold sculpture of Yartwabbut in the centre of the settlement.

2. Put Yartwabbut first in all things.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Do not shave your arms.

5. Never talk about bats.