Gofdunvonk is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, staggering cat.

Gofdunvonk created the Cigar Galaxy three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gofdunvonk, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Gofdunvonk, she will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Gofdunvonk's most sacred site is Nakke in Denmark.

Gofdunvonk's Holy Commandments

1. Do not count beyond six during ceremonies.

2. Never sing in holy places.

3. Never talk about dark energy near pigs while wearing yellow kilts and balancing five lead spheres on your chest.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate nematodes.

5. Never hurt doves.