Quartsoglak is a god.

It takes the form of a slim, bad-tempered badger.

Quartsoglak created the Milkyway nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Quartsoglak, it will not care.

If you do not believe in Quartsoglak, it will send you a strongly worded letter.

Quartsoglak's most sacred site is Katteri in India.

Quartsoglak's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion sacred items from ash.

2. Always remove trousers before touching platinum.

3. Walk at least six thousand metres per day.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Shun those given to greed.