Ditlargmum is a god.

It takes the form of a four thousand metre long, ruthless fly.

Ditlargmum created humankind five million years ago.

If you believe in Ditlargmum, it will approve.

If you do not believe in Ditlargmum, it will torture you forever.

Ditlargmum's most sacred site is Makopong in Botswana.

Ditlargmum's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Ditlargmum nine times a day.

2. Hide if seven badgers approach from the east.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never bounce in the presence of swans.