Mon Lampopcub is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, sage slug.

Mon Lampopcub created the Cigar Galaxy nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Mon Lampopcub, she will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Mon Lampopcub, she will turn you into a plant.

Mon Lampopcub's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Mon Lampopcub's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about mites.

2. Do not prepare peanuts while wearing scarves.

3. Learn nine new languages a year.

4. Never pray while filled with fear.

5. Do not step barefoot upon orange earth.