Methashan Zodsawcam is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, calm swallow.

Methashan Zodsawcam created Europe three billion years ago.

If you believe in Methashan Zodsawcam, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Methashan Zodsawcam, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Methashan Zodsawcam's most sacred site is Nakke in Denmark.

Methashan Zodsawcam's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no monkeys in a building before entering it.

2. Never speak at midday.

3. Never paint your arms orange.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

5. Never touch water while clean.