Hintonkbonk is a god.

He takes the form of a small, generous alligator.

Hintonkbonk created Europe eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hintonkbonk, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Hintonkbonk, he will turn you into a sheep.

Hintonkbonk's most sacred site is Saint-Sauvan in France.

Hintonkbonk's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

3. You must love Hintonkbonk.

4. Do not kill whales.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.