Nurlsafloop is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, awe-inspiring crane.

Nurlsafloop created viruses five billion years ago.

If you believe in Nurlsafloop, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Nurlsafloop, he will manifest in front of you.

Nurlsafloop's most sacred site is Panormos in Greece.

Nurlsafloop's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention sharks.

2. Always remove shirts before touching carbon.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Do not prepare spinach while wearing scarves.

5. Never eat bark.