Siszaktamzentom is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, charitable lobster.

Siszaktamzentom created the planet Venus two billion years ago.

If you believe in Siszaktamzentom, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Siszaktamzentom, he will turn you into a goat.

Siszaktamzentom's most sacred site is Turckheim in France.

Siszaktamzentom's Holy Commandments

1. Do not consume oranges at dawn.

2. Do not gather at wells at dusk.

3. Do not hurt capybaras.

4. Never talk about dark matter near porpoises while wearing gray boots and balancing seven titanium spheres on your arms.

5. Erect eight copper sculptures of Siszaktamzentom on top of important buildings.