Quimsogaf is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, unsympathetic unicorn.

Quimsogaf created a bottom quark four billion years ago.

If you believe in Quimsogaf, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Quimsogaf, it will cry a lot.

Quimsogaf's most sacred site is Pandamatenga in Botswana.

Quimsogaf's Holy Commandments

1. Never touch blood while blessed.

2. Hide if three voles approach from the east.

3. Bats are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Always stare at clouds.

5. Always help capybaras.