Sigtafril is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, two-faced cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Sigtafril created the Andromeda Galaxy eight million years ago.

If you believe in Sigtafril, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Sigtafril, she will turn you into a dog.

Sigtafril's most sacred site is Turckheim in France.

Sigtafril's Holy Commandments

1. Never go into red rooms.

2. Do not count beyond four during ceremonies.

3. Never think about the weak nuclear force near doves while wearing gray trousers and balancing seven copper spheres on your feet.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

5. Respect your elders.