Bum is a god.

She takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, duplicitous lobster.

Bum created Europe nine million years ago.

If you believe in Bum, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Bum, she will send minions to preach to you.

Bum's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Bum's Holy Commandments

1. Always maintain humility during days of mourning.

2. Always make sure there are no cats in a room before entering it.

3. Never hurt eagles.

4. Never record names.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.