Tabbarn Nutvonpinbatnegveen is a god.

He takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, unthinking hamster.

Tabbarn Nutvonpinbatnegveen created an electron eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Tabbarn Nutvonpinbatnegveen, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Tabbarn Nutvonpinbatnegveen, he will send you a strongly worded letter.

Tabbarn Nutvonpinbatnegveen's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Tabbarn Nutvonpinbatnegveen's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about frogs.

2. Paint representations of planets on the walls of your dwelling place.

3. Shun those given to vanity.

4. Always store strawberries above ground.

5. Do not wear shirts marked with red.