Stigveenpang is a god.

It takes the form of a very heavy, wise gorilla.

Stigveenpang created matter two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Stigveenpang, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Stigveenpang, it will refuse to believe in you.

Stigveenpang's most sacred site is Faux Cap in Madagascar.

Stigveenpang's Holy Commandments

1. Do not consume bread at dawn.

2. Do not wear lead on your body.

3. Never gather eight capybaras near bridges.

4. Never talk about galaxies.

5. Seals are not to be trusted.