Hotpodtof is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, impressive snail.

Hotpodtof created everything that exists nine million years ago.

If you believe in Hotpodtof, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Hotpodtof, he will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Hotpodtof's most sacred site is Panayadikuppam in India.

Hotpodtof's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of apples to doves while wearing orange scarves.

2. Do not speak sacred words in spring.

3. Always face the north before speaking sacred words.

4. Never talk about electromagnetism near voles while wearing mauve tights and balancing three lead spheres on your chest.

5. Never record numbers.