Wondumnabven is a god.

It takes the form of a rotund, stupid lobster.

Wondumnabven created the planet Earth five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Wondumnabven, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Wondumnabven, it will turn you into a blue tit.

Wondumnabven's most sacred site is Hongcun in China.

Wondumnabven's Holy Commandments

1. Never pray while filled with anger.

2. Do not kill nematodes.

3. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

4. Never skip in the presence of dolphins.

5. Never eat bark.