Ponhindabster is a god.

She takes the form of a six hundred metre long, fast wolf.

Ponhindabster created life two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Ponhindabster, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Ponhindabster, she will remove you from existence.

Ponhindabster's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Ponhindabster's Holy Commandments

1. Never tolerate cries in holy places.

2. Never wear gray stockings on sacred days.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Do not speak sacred words in summer.

5. Paint representations of moons on the walls of your dwelling place in mauve.