Zannurtrill is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, witless alligator.

Zannurtrill created dark matter eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Zannurtrill, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Zannurtrill, he will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Zannurtrill's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Zannurtrill's Holy Commandments

1. Do not place bananas upon stone.

2. Learn nine new languages a year.

3. Do not kill aardvarks.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Never pour water over plants.